Letting Go of Fear and Resistance
2nd August 2022: The change, growth and transformation that is beyond your comfort zone.
Urmila and I move this week, we are in the final stages of packing with the removal van coming in a couple of days. The house has already changed significantly, it is not unrecognisdable but all our energy seems to have left it.
We decided that it is time for change, not change forced on us but change that we have freely brought on ourselves, change that we are looking forward to. Why on earth are we doing this? Why are we putting all this stress on ourselves.
Fear of Change
We can't be afraid of change. You may feel very secure in the pond that you are in, but if you never venture out of it, you will never know that there is such a thing as an ocean, a sea. Holding onto something that is good for you now, may be the very reason why you don't have something better.
C JoyBell C
I feel the stress of change, even though I am looking forward to what is in store. That's the thing about change, it brings up fear—well it does in most of us anyway.
In a way it takes us back to our childhood when often we didn't know what was happening—that was the province of the grownups! When did they ever bother to tell us what was in store, I suppose that often they didn't even know.
I remember a time—it is perhaps my first memory—when I was small, possibly around 4 or 5 years old, that I felt and showed my fear. We were on holiday at my Grannie's in Scotland. We were down at the beach, I just remember my dad and myself. I am sure there were others there, they just didn't figure in my memory. I was standing near the car when my dad started to move it. I suddenly felt this seemingly irrational fear that he had forgotten about me and was going away. I started to shout and bang on the side of the car. Dad stopped and came to me to tell me not to be silly, he was only moving the car.
Where did that fear come from? What caused it? I just do not know. It was real though, and it was at an age when whatever it was became embedded in me.
I know we can't fear change, in reality I don't, but deep down...
To offer no resistance to life is to be in a state of grace, ease and lightness.
A state of grace, ease and lightness—that's something I am sure we would all like. But in reality we don't see it as practical for us. There's a point when I find myself feeling this—or something akin to this—that I think I am missing something. What is wrong? What am I not seeing?
In my career as a designer I used to juggle many projects at the same time. I had learned from my boss—later my colleague—that it was a case of sink or swim. I could either deal with it or move on. I did deal with it, in fact I was rather good at it, but still I felt a resistance to just letting go and enjoying it. I saw others do this, but I didn't know how.
Whenever I was working on a project I used to find myself thinking about the projects I was not working on. It used to drive me mad. I found it difficult to completely focus on the one task.
I later realised that I have a level of ADD (Attention Deficit Disorder) that meant that I was always going to be like this. Even during the course of writing this article I am thinking about things I need to do for the move, or, more accurately, wondering whether there is anything I have forgotten to do.
The resistance to focus is real, meditation helps, if I can focus on letting go!
It’s only after you’ve stepped outside your comfort zone that you begin to change, grow, and transform.
This is where the magic happens. If you can break the bonds of resistance and your fear of change you may find the limits of your comfort zone.
I know many things that are outside my comfort zone, they are the things I do not like doing. I do not like making phone calls—yes, really—I can't tell you why but I will skip them if I can or get Urmila to make them.
Essentially my design business fell apart because of this. As the Principal it was my job to do the marketing and follow up on proposals to clients. Being good at this was the key to a successful business, it was even more important than being good as a designer. I hated doing it and often lost jobs or didn't get a chance at them in the first place because I did not make the calls.
I could not get beyond this and finally did not grow despite being a great designer.
I do work on letting go, I know it not just good for but essential to a happy, full life. Let's just say that it is a work in progress.
So Urmila and I know that the move will be positive and creative for us, we look forward to stepping outside our comfort zone, we relish the transformation.
We let go and move on...